Monday, September 29, 2014

Hudson's heritage remains safe

Mr. Forsdick mislabeled his otherwise handsomely Photoshopped
images. The existing house is actually the one on the right.
An unpublicized project came before Hudson's Historic Preservation Commission last Friday morning. The owner of a house at 76 North Fifth Street, Fenton Forsdick, gave a rambling, heavily accented presentation that left commissioners confused and agitated. Near as they could tell, the petitioner wanted the commission's blessing to remove a window from his front facade. This would allow him to create a walk-in closet behind the newly blank wall; presumably, as is the case for many houses of the era, existing storage space is inadequate.

The HPC quickly and unanimously voted down the petition, and vented its considerable indignation. "Our heritage is at stake," sniffed one commissioner, summarizing the views of her peers. "This is an historic facade. To disrupt the three-rank rhythm would present a threat to the very foundation of our society."

"The mere suggestion of altering this facade in this manner has made me queasy," said another commissioner. "Although it could be the German breakfast quesadilla I had at Bob's," he added before excusing himself from the proceedings.

A tumultuous, forty-five minute argument ensued between the remaining commissioners and the petitioner. It quieted down only upon the petitioner's realization that he had inadvertently reversed his existing and proposed images. The picture he had labeled "existing" was in fact the "proposed" version of the house, and vice versa. Mr. Forsdick apologized sheepishly and profusely to the panel. What he really wanted, he explained in halting English to a now silent audience, was to install a new window above his front porch where there currently is a blank wall, in order to create a more balanced facade and introduce natural light into his dressing room.

With the new information in hand, the Commission voted a second time against the petition. "This is an historic facade," explained a commissioner. "To disrupt it would threaten the very foundation of our society." "Our heritage is at stake," reminded a second commission member. The missing HPC member returned to the room in a state of visceral upset. "I have read that this kind of thing can lead to the mutilation of babies," he added.

A mild but distinct scent, similar to that of a fresh lilac bloom onto which a domestic shorthair has dropped a major dookie, wafted through the chamber, and the meeting was adjourned.

1 comment:

  1. Funny. I wonder how close this is to the actual meetings. I suppose I should go to one at some point to see for myself.